And Her Commander
by CoupDeJarnac
Summary: On going series of smut and one shots. Nothing really storyline related so don't worry about spoilers, just shameless smut. Rating varies wildly by chapter. Chapters not in chronological order, posting stuff as I get ideas/time to write, but I'll try to indicate where on the timeline things are going on.
1. Chapter 1

"Inquisitor? Are you paying attention?"

"Hm?" I quickly snapped out of my thoughts as Leliana's voice pierced through the War Room. I looked around, flustered to find all of my advisors carefully watching me. Leliana had one eyebrow raised and a cheeky smile playing on her lips, Josephine was fiercely trying not to giggle, and Cullen was doing his best not to blush.

This was my life now. I was no longer just a scout for clan Lavellan: I was the Inquisitor, the Herald of Andraste, or at least people said I was. I still was not sold on being Andraste's chosen, but if it gave people hope to call me that, well, I would live.

Leliana cleared her throat and called me back to the present moment. "If everyone's attention is actually on the map this time and not on _other things_, I would like to send scouts out to the Hinterlands to gather elfroot: our healers are starting to run low on supplies."

"Wouldn't it be better to have them search for iron there? With the flood of new recruits we've had we really need more arms and armor and I can't even begin to train them without proper equipment." Cullen interjected.

Both of them were now staring at me, waiting for my approval to move forwards. I hated making these decisions, I hated leading people, if I could have just been a scout for the Inquisition I would have been happy, but alas, the glowing was making that impossible.

"Well, I um… think that…" I trailed off, unsure what to chose.

"Actually Inquisitor, we are about to redo the garden. Perhaps we can make room to plant herbs there? We can grow our own elfroot here and then have the scouts search for iron in the Hinterlands" chimed in Josephine, probably sensing my discomfort.

"Then it's settled, we'll send the scouts to go find more iron then"

"Thank you, Inquisitor" Cullen smiled.

"I believe that was the last matter for the day. In any case I have much paperwork to attend to if you'll excuse me" Josephine gathered her documents and swiftly left the room.

"Very well, I need to send a raven out to Crestwood; I've heard some disturbing reports from the scouts there and need to check the situation." Leliana said as she left the War Room, leaving me and Cullen alone.

I watched as Cullen put away some of the markers that were no longer needed and move the others to match the decisions made today and the troop movements. He seemed so in his element here at the War Table, commanding the ever growing army of the Inquisition. I felt a slight smile creep onto my face as I watched the Commander.

Cullen looked up and noticed me watching him, we both looked away quickly and I felt myself start to blush again. I did not want to admit it, but I found that I probably spent too much time with him on my mind, and not just as my Commander. He was a good man, even for a human. He cared about his troops, regardless of their race, and he was always careful to not offend any of them. He made it a point to learn about their cultures and that was very respectable of him.

Over the weeks I found I enjoyed learning about him, seeing what he was really about. I learned that he was not only a commander who spent his time in the War Room, but also on the field directly working with his troops, he enjoyed chess and reading, and he was fiercely devoted to his cause. It would be a lie to say I was not attracted to him, which was somewhat amusing to me, being that I had always found humans to be a bit funny looking. Whatever the reason though, he had piqued my curiosity.

"You know" he somewhat stammered 'you're welcome to visit me anytime if you'd like to talk, or anything else."

I smiled, the last time Cullen suggested spending time together it had ended with quite the kiss. It was gentle, passionate, but not lustful or hungry. He had caught me off guard. After the scout had interrupted us I thought he would leave to check the report, I tried to let him know that it was okay if he needed to leave but before I could finish he pulled me against him and began to kiss me. It started off gentle and innocent, and slowly became more passionate. I was surprised at first, the way he grabbed me without hesitation, the way kissed me without any reservations. I stood there for a moment, just allowing everything to register before I wrapped my arms around him and began to kiss him back. He blushed and awkwardly apologized for being so forward, but I had enjoyed it. I never saw myself being with a human, but so far things seemed to be alright.

Since then quiet moments were filled with little kisses. A peck on the cheek when no was else was looking, a long hug when no one else was in the hall, sweet words when no one else could hear, ducking into alcoves to get a moment alone. We never talked about why we were keeping things quiet, but it seemed somewhat, well, inappropriate for the Inquisitor to have such relations with her commander.

I smiled at his invitation to visit him and made a mental note to do so, but for now there was work to still be done. The new quartermaster wanted my approval on some renovations for Skyhold, there were several prisoners awaiting their trials, and I was told that Morrigan had reached Skyhold and wished to speak with me; it seemed that visiting Cullen would have to wait for now.

The quartermaster proved to be tedious, obsessing over details more than any person honestly should. The trials seemed to drag on forever, there was the Avaar chief who had be caught assaulting Skyhold with a goat, and the Grand Duchess, or what remained of her anyways. Both proved to be a complete waste of time. As for Morrigan, well, after talking to her I felt like I had even more questions than before and no answers to the questions that I asked.

Why did everything have to be so complicated? I missed just being a scout for my clan; that was simple. As a scout it was my job to patrol in front of the clan as we travel, making sure we were taking the best route and eliminating any threats to the clan, animal or other. Being the Inquisitor was much too involved for my liking.

The sun was starting to set by the time I finished with everything and I wondered if it was getting too late to visit Cullen today. I could just wait for tomorrow, he would still be here after all. I weighed my options and decided that visiting today would be better, it was a bit late for the officers to be delivering reports after all.

I made my way out of the garden and into the main hall of Skyhold, debating the quickest way to make it to Cullen's office, my heart beating a little quicker every step. I crossed the hall and headed for the door leading to Solas's study, and by extension to the ramparts, hoping Solas wouldn't want to stop and talk. I stepped out onto the ramparts, cool brisk air flooding into my lungs as I felt a smile start to break across my lips. I reached to end of the ramparts and the door to Cullen's office, practically trembling in anticipation at the thought of just being able to spend some time with him. I took a deep breath and smirked at myself, what would my old self think if she saw me getting all worked up over a human? Finally, I entered Cullen's office.

He was not there. His desk sat littered with books, and documents, and half finished letters, but there was no sign of the commander. I exhaled the breath I did not realized that I was holding in disappointment. Maybe I was expecting too much. Maybe I was reading into things too much, I mean really, a Dalish elf and a human? That was just ridiculous. I started to leave, opening the door and allowing an icy blast of wind to rush into the small room, sending papers scattering across the floor.

"Is somewhere there? Give me a moment, I'll be right down" came Cullen's voice from the loft above the office. He must have already started to settle in for the night. He really was a ridiculous man. There were so many nice free rooms in Skyhold and yet he opted to sleep in a loft above his office that did not even have a proper roof.

"It's alright, I can come back later if it isn't a good time" I called back.

"Talathiel?" he paused. "No, it's fine, it's not a bad time. Just give me a moment, or actually, you can come up if you would like."

Was that really appropriate? For me to be visiting my commander's room like that? Probably not, but neither was kissing on the battlements where anyone could have seen.

I started to climb up the ladder in the corner of the room, it was slow progress up the tall ladder. I reached the top and hauled myself up and over into his room, but he was still nowhere to be seen. I turned around and found him staring out the window, seemingly lost in his own thoughts.

"A bit casually dressed, aren't you?" I jested playfully, trying to mask my surprise. Evidently Cullen had been getting ready to settle down for the night and was already mostly undressed, just the pants he wore under his faulds and grieves were left on.

I could not help but stare, humans were built so differently from elves. Cullen's shoulders were much broader, and he had much more muscle than any elf did. His chest was much broader too, and everything about him just seemed so much more intense.

"I'm sorry" he apologized, "it's just after being in armor all day you're just really eager to take it off first chance you get" he was blushing slightly as he rubbed the back of his neck.

He was covered in scars, his back, his arms, his chest all had numerous ones of varying size, but only one on his face: a thin, but deep one running from the right side of him upper lip to the edge of his nose. I had wondered what that scar was from, but there were other matters that needed my attention right now.

"You know Skyhold is safe, there's no reason to have to wear it all day."

"I know, but it seems to get people's attention"

"Maybe because they think you're trying to grow wings and fly away. How many birds did it take to make that cloak anyways? Wait, I don't think I want to know" I teased. Cullen was blushing less now.

We stood in a comfortable silence more a few minutes and just looked out the window, watching life in Skyhold unfold. Soldiers went to-and-fro trying up last minute errands, merchants packed up their stands for the evening, and everyone else was making a quick bid for the warmth of inside the fortress against the cold nights up here in the Frostbacks.

I glanced over at Cullen, he was smiling now and was standing comfortably with his arms folded across his chest.

"Not getting cold, are you?" I asked playfully. "You don't even have a proper roof. Whatever would the good people of Thedas think if they saw the commander of the Inquisition living like this?"

"Outrage and scandal!" Cullen declared, doing his best to mimic an Orlesian accent.

We both erupted into fits of laughter over his ridiculous attempt at the accent. This is what I liked about him, just being able to talk to someone and have a normal conversation about unimportant things. Talking to someone who was not constantly calling me _your worship_ or some other ridiculous title and who remembered I was an actual person too.

"And to answer your question: not at all, I'm used to the cold and have actually grown to like it somewhat" he replied. "And what about you? Surely you have to be cold, there's almost nothing to you" he said as he smiled and poked my ribs.

"I'll have you know as a Dalish elf I'm more than suited to deal with the elements" I said trying to use the most snobbish voice I could manage, but I could not help it and ended up laughing as soon as I finished speaking.

Cullen sorted. "I can't even tell if you're joking sometimes" he looked over at me and evidently saw my scowl "Kidding! I know you not like that. But are you seriously not cold?"

"Honestly I'm fine, I'm used to being outside"

"Well, could you pretend that you are, that way I actually have a reason for doing this?"

"Hm?-"

Cullen reached over and pulled me up against his chest before I had time to ask what he was talking about. Creators he was warm. I let him hold me there against him and slowly began to relax after my initial surprise. I let my head rest against his chest and pressed my cheek against him. I could hear his heartbeat, it was strong and a bit quick.

"You are cold, your face feels like ice"

I laughed a bit, of coursed I'd feel cool to him, I'm an elf. "I guess you're getting a lesson on elves today: my heart beats slower than yours, I take less breaths than you, my body temperature is lower than yours, that's just the way elves are." I snuggled my face into my clueless commander's chest even more and wrapped my arms around him. "If it's any consolation you feel like you have a fever to me"

Cullen leaned down a bit to rest his head on top of mine, the height gap making it a bit difficult. It was a strange thing, being so close to a human, and I still was not completely sure how I felt about it, but so far at least Cullen was different from all the stories I had heard about humans. He just seemed so genuine about everything, he meant everything he said, and he was honest about who he was and was willing to admit to his past, his mistakes and his flaws. I had grown fond of him, much more than I would care to honestly admit.

He kissed the top of my head softly, lingering for a bit and allowing his lips to brush against my hair. He placed his hand under my chin and tilted my face up towards his to kiss my cheek, his stubble tickling me. He pulled back for a moment, stopping to meet my gaze and smile.

"Please don't think less of me for being so forward" he took a step towards me, pushing me against the window, his hands running down my sides, resting one on the small of my back to press me against him harder, the other rested on my waist. He placed his lips on mine, kissing me with a lot more force than the previous time, it was a kiss full of desire and longing.

He ran his hands under my shirt, pressing one hand against my bare back and the other back on my waist. His hands were so warm, and calloused from years of fighting and training, but they were not unpleasant on my skin. He pressed me against the window harder, trying to remove all possible space between us.

I felt him run his tongue along my lips, seeking an entrance until I conceded and allowed him to part my lips. He swirled his tongue around mine and explored every space of my mouth. His hand slowly moved from my waist up to my breast, cupping it gently and rolling my nipple between his fingers tips. He pressed his hips against me, I could feel a bulge between his legs, and rolled his hips rhythmically against mine, grunting softly into my mouth as he did.

I pressed my tongue against his, fighting for dominance until he conceded. I gently ran my tongue across his lips, playfully darting in and out of his mouth and occasionally stopping to nip at his lips. I started to kiss along his cheek and down to his jaw line, his stubble ticking my lips, until I reached his neck. I softly kissed his neck and swirled my tongue across his skin. He let out a contented sigh. I gently started to nip at his neck, causing him to jerk from the unexpectedness of it. I started softly, just allowing my teeth to graze his skin and only using a little pressure, I was not sure if this was something humans did. After the initial shock he seemed to enjoy it and I began to nip a bit harder, switching between licking, biting, and suckling on his neck.

He pressed his hips against me harder and let out a contented groan. "Harder" he moaned and I was happy to oblige. I bit down on his neck with more force and felt his entire body tense up. I switched to suckling again, this time using enough force to cause his skin to bruise. I continued biting and suckling until I tasted blood in my mouth, I drew back to admire my work and wiped the blood from my lips. On his neck was a near black bruise and a few flecks of blood.

Cullen reached up and traced his fingers along the bruise. "Am I bleeding?"

I smiled triumphantly.

"You… you really don't waste any time, do you?" he asked. "What was that?"

"Just a little bite, and I'm not apologizing for being forward".

"That's alright, I think I rather liked that. I think I like forwardness" he had such a smile plastered across his face and there was a light in his eyes. He leaned down and kissed my lips, it was soft and he lingered for a moment. "I don't know how I got this lucky, but Maker knows I haven't done anything to deserve it".

There was a lot that he had not told me. For as much as I've learned about him, there were still things he kept to himself, things that caused him pain and things he was not proud of doing, but he was a good man and I could tell he was trying to change. He was trying to do the best he could, he was trying to make up for whatever deeds weighed on his heart.

Cullen wrapped his arms around my waist and hugged me tightly and rested his head on top of mine, his breath tickled me.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Chapter 2 aka did you mean smut from Cullen's point of view?

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><p><span>Cullen<span>

It was difficult to believe that this was the same woman who unwillingly joined the Inquisition a few months ago. She was sleeping peacefully for once now, curled up on her side in my bed with her head resting on my bare chest. I wanted to reach down and run my fingers through her hair or trace the tattoos on her face or something, but I dared not risk waking her. She looked harmless when she was asleep, and she even smiled a bit; which was a nice change from her normal serious expression.

When I first met her several months ago she had been anything but friendly or social. Cassandra brought her right up to the front doors of the Chantry in Haven, intent on introducing her to everyone and Talathiel would have nothing of it. She did not actually speak when we first met, she only snorted and rolled her eyes, though I found out later that everyone had apparently gotten the same greeting so at least it was not personal.

Talathiel spent the first few weeks in relative seclusion from everyone else, only leaving her room for food or when Josephine forced her to the War Room. She was not anymore social in the War Room, in the beginning she flat out refused to make decisions or engage in anything for that matter. She was frustrating, stubborn, and proud.

The only person I saw her actually talk to was Solas. I would often catch her sneaking about to go see him, though the fact that the Herald of Andraste was sneaking about when she was allowed to go anywhere she wanted was somewhat amusing. I never knew what they talked about, nor was I particularly interested in it either. All I knew about Solas was that he was an apostate and that he spent far too much time in the Fade with demons and spirits. I supposed that they bonded over being the only two elves in the Inquisition, but even then I heard whispers of them fighting from time to time. Still, he was the only one she seemed willing to spend time with.

Time went on and she eventually became friendlier, though the death of me would be the abrasive little elven women she drug home one day, but that was only the beginning of the group of misfits she would amass.

At first she just spent time around the nonhuman members of the Inquisition: Sera, the Iron Bull, Varric, and Solas, but talking with diplomats and dealings at the War Table forced her to be around other people.

She stirred in her sleep, snuggling up a bit closer a sighing into my chest, her warm breath sharply contrasting with her cool skin. I absentmindedly reached down and ran my fingers through her hair, it was always soft and well maintained; I think she might be the only person in Skyhold besides Vivienne who keeps up with regular bathing to be honest.

I continued to play with her hair for a while and it did not seem to disturb her at least, not until my hand brushed against her ear anyways. The moment I touched her ear her eyes shot open and she jerked a bit.

"I'm sorry" I quickly apologized, yanking my hand away from her ear. "Did I startle you?"

"A bit" she grumbled sleepily.

"Sorry, I'll make sure not to touch your ears again." I mumbled, somewhat upset that I woke her.

"Why would you do that?"

"Because it bothered you?"

"I never said that. You don't have to stop" She said with a bit of a snort.

"Wait, do you want me to touch your ears or something? Like does it feel good to you?"

"You're making this weird" she answered. "Here, just-" She grabbed my hand and guided it back to her ear, gently placing my fingertips at the base of it and slowing guiding my fingers up to the tip of her ear. "Like that" she finished.

I repeated the motion several time, slowly tracing the edge of her ear with my index and middle fingers. She closed her eyes in relaxation, smiled and nuzzled her face into my chest even further, her cool skin gave me chills.

"You know, you can try doing other things." She said.

"Like what?"

"There are other spots on my ears"

I started running my fingers along the inside folds of her ears and gently massaging the tips of her ears. Occasionally her ears would twitch and I was not sure if that meant I was doing something wrong or right, but she made no attempt to stop or correct me. I wondered what this felt like to her, I wondered if she played with my ears would if it feel the same.

"So is this an elf thing, or a you thing?" I asked somewhat cautiously.

Talathiel snorted "Well, I like having my ears played with, but so do most other elves, so yes, it's both."

"What does it feel like? Would it be the same if you did that to me?"

"It wouldn't: your ears aren't as sensitive"

I felt a bit disappointed learning this, but also intrigued. I never really had the opportunity to learn about elves, I suppose most humans really do not, and I really did want to learn about her and her people.

"So this is a normal thing for elves?"

"For mates, yes."

"Mates?"

"Well, there's normally lips and tongues involved, it's kind of an intimate thing."

"Mates?"

"You know, the person you're bonded to, like a husband or wife."

"So this is something a married couple would do?"

"Well, just a couple in general. Like with someone who could be a potential mate"

I felt myself blushing and was glad that Talathiel still had her eyes closed. I had not thought much about playing with her ears, but now knowing how intimate it was supposed to be and that she wanted me to play with her ears was making me incredibly happy.

"So what was that bit about lips and tongues?"

Talathiel giggled a bit, it was such a beautiful sound. "Just anything really; kisses, licking, singing or talking close by, nipping, there's no right or wrong way."

I continued to just massage her ear, trying to build up the courage to do anything more. After a few minutes I shifted myself upright so I was sitting up and pulled Talathiel into my lap so she was sitting with her back resting against my chest. I leaned forwards and brushed my lips against her right ear while I continued to play with her other ear. Her ears twitched again and I could feel cheeks move as she smiled.

This was nice, just being able to hold someone so close, to not worry about anything else and just be able to share a private moment. I kissed her ear softly and lingered there, being so close to her was incredible. She was so soft, and the coolness of her skin was always invigorating. Sitting so close to her I could also smell the sweetness of her skin. She always smelled the same, there was a certain spiciness to her, like evergreens, but also a sweetness that reminded me of vanilla and fruits like peaches and strawberries. Everything about her was intoxicating.

I decided to run my tongue along her ear, starting at its base and ending up at the pointed tip. I felt her tense up and quiver before she completely relaxed back and leaned all of her weight against my chest. I smiled, I was happy to finally see her so relaxed and was pleased that I was able to help her. I wrapped my other arm around her waist to hold her close.

I continued with this, slowly building my confidence until I was nipping, licking, kissing, and suckling on her ear without having to think about what I was doing.

Talathiel reached up with her right hand to place it on the back of my head where she gently began to twist her fingers into my hair and play with my hair. I loved it when she touched me, it had been so long since I wanted to have anyone in my life and it had been so long since anybody was close to me like this and by the Maker I would do anything to protect her and keep her in my life.

I began to feel daring. I took my right hand off her waist and ran in under her silky shirt to cup her breast. She let out a contented sigh that I took as permission to continue. Her skin was so soft and smooth and I began to trace my fingers over her breast until I reached the erected peak of her nipple. I gently rolled it between my fingers like before and gently pulled on it, causing her to let a soft moan. She made the most beautiful sounds and it was taking more willpower than I'd like admit to keep from rolling her onto her back, pinning her down, and seeing what sounds she made if I entered her. Maker's breath did I want to know what that was like, but I did not want to push Talathiel farther than she wanted to go for the moment. If I ever did anything to make her uncomfortable or lose her trust I would never forgive myself.

Talathiel began to shift about, she slide her hips back to press her backside firmly between my outstretched legs and moved her hand down to rest between her legs. She slowly began to roll her hips forwards into her hand and backwards in between my legs. I could feel her moving her arm about to massage herself and I felt myself harden against her as she ground her backside against me and moaned.

I could not help myself tp only watch. I removed my left hand from her ear and placed it between her legs over her hand and used it to press her even harder against me while I thrust my hips against her backside. I wanted the clothes to be gone, I wanted her under me, or on top of me, or any way as long I could be inside of her, I wanted to hear her moan and gasp my name.

Talathiel slide her hand out from under mine and insteadplaced it on top of mine. She used her hand to guide mine, to show me how to massage her. Her moans became more frequent and her thrusts against my hand became more forceful and more eradicate. I could feel a dampness through her pants as her moans turned into gasps and the pitch of her voice increased. Her breath quickened and I could feel her heart racing throughout her body. Her gasps became shorter and sharper and I squeezed her breast harder.

"Cullen" she gasped as she pressed my hand against herself harder.

"Cullen" she gasped again as she gave a final few thrusts until she gave out and slumped against my chest gulping down air. I could feel myself still throbbing, pressed against her backside, but she seemed much too exhausted and I did not want to bother her with that.

"Well, you're not shy at all" I said after softly kissing the side of her head.

"I know what I like" she cooed with a smirk.

"I can tell, you had no problem with helping yourself out"

She snorted again. "True, but it's always better with someone else's hand instead" she reached up and softly kissed my lips.

I did not know what that was like, I did not have a comparison, but I would have loved to feel her cool soft hands running up and down myself instead.

Talathiel yawned and snuggled in my chest. "I think it's time for bed, it's getting late" she declared.

"You could always stay here tonight" I offered.

She stayed silent for a moment, pondering her options. "I don't want to give the soldiers more to gossip about, not to mention the lecture I'd be getting from Vivienne for it. I also need to change after that anyways" she said with a coy smile. "There will be time for more later don't you worry" she added.

She got up and wrapped her arms around me to say goodnight and kissed me again. We both climbed down the ladder and said goodnight at the door. I retreated back up to my bed and collapsed down on my back to think about everything that just happened. Maker's breath was she an amazing woman and she would be the death of me. Not that I was complaining, at least I would die happy.

I slide my hand down into my pants, she may have been done but I sure was not after that.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Back to Tallie's point of view. Also this takes place before the first two chapters, and even before the first kiss. I'll try to keep things somewhat linear but I'm writing/posting as I get ideas so it won't be in exact order.

_Also I have an ask blog ( .com) if anyone wants to ask anything!_

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><p><span>Talathiel<span>

If one more messenger interrupted me I was going to pull my hair out. It had been like this for weeks now, as the Inquisition grew, the more attention we gained, and the more issues we became involved in. At first it was just issues actually related to the Breach, and Corypheus, and the mage and templar problem, but now we were just starting to get nonsense requests. Most recently a bard had contacted us about a rival bard making up rumors about them and when Josephine and Leliana are not present I tend to make poor decisions on these matters, namely sending Cullen to deal with the bard issue. I believe his exact response was "No. This is ridiculous." Anyways the issue was resolved, but I seemed to open the flood gates for more unrelated issues for the Inquisitions to solve.

I had found a new way to counter the messenger problem though: make myself scarce, luckily Skyhold had many good hiding spots. Recently I had taken to hiding out in some of the abandoned watch towers, taking books and snacks with me and sometimes spending the entire day in seclusion.

I made my way from the library on the second floor of the main tower, books and food in tow, clinging to the shadows and dodging anyone who might try to talk to me. I planned my route to the empty watch tower by the tavern. I could cut through the courtyard to the stairs, which would be the most direct route, but also have the most people. I could also sneak through the garden to the side stairs, there were certainly enough shadows to hide in, but Morrigan was usually out there and she would probably still see me anyways. I also could use the central ramparts, but that meant cutting through Cullen's office, and he was almost certain to be there.

Rationally, going through the garden and hoping that if Morrigan saw me she would not call me out was the safest plan. I bolted across the main hall and into the garden, hugging the wall and moving quietly. I had nearly reached the stairs when someone caught a hold of my wrist.

"And where do you think you're going?" came a voice.

I turned around, expecting to see a messenger or a general scolding me for avoiding them, instead it was Cullen, and he was beaming, apparently pleased to have caught me.

"You're not going to tell me are you? Not going to give away your hiding spot?" he asked.

I tried to play it off, "Everyone just needs some time to themselves"

"Yes, and apparently you need several weeks." His smile faded a bit.

I winched at being called out.

"You can either tell me where you're going, or I can drag you back to Josephine; she's been going crazy looking for you. Something about a soiree with an Orlesian noble" he trailed off.

"If there is any such thing as mercy in your religion you will not hand me over to Josephine".

"Fine, then I'm coming with you."

I raised an eyebrow at him.

"What? Everyone just needs some time to themselves" he was looking down at his feet as he spoke and I could see a blush creeping up the back of his neck as he rubbed it.

I tugged my wrist free of his grasp and begrudgingly began to lead him to my hiding spot. "Dread Wolf take you if you tell a soul about my hiding place" I threatened, meaning every word of it. I kept to the shadows, I did not want to be caught shirking off from my responsibilities, especially awkwardly sneaking off with the commander, least anyone got ideas about it.

Keeping hidden was easy for me, not so much so for the commander though. Between the armor, the ridiculous cloak, and the noisy boot he might have been the least subtle person in Skyhold save for Iron Bull.

Somehow miraculously we made it up to the watch tower without anyone really noticing us, or if they did they had the good graces not to point it out.

"So this is where the mighty Inquisitor hides out from her people? In a crumbling watch tower?"

"I could say the same thing about you." We reached the watch tower and I settled down into my makeshift study and began my newest book and Cullen sat down crossed legged on the floor across from me. It was not much, a few blankets and pillows on the floor on sit on, surrounded by a few books.

"You... come up here to read?"

I nodded without looking up as I leafed through the table of content. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Cullen watching me intensely.

"_The Complete Orlesian Bestiary: A Guide to the Diverse Fauna of Orlais_? You're reading about animals?"

"I don't like going into the field not knowing what to expect, things are different here" I answered without looking up.

"I'm surprised."

"Why?"

"Well, I didn't know you could read."

I snapped up from my book. "Excuse me? What is that supposed to mean?" I hissed.

"It's just, well, I didn't think the Dalish would bother with that. I mean what use would a Dalish elf have with reading?" he asked. I did not know if he was oblivious or just rude, but apparently templars were not taught manners.

"I can read just fine, thank you very much, and I can write too!"

"I'm sorry, that came out wrong. I was just surprised."

"You made that abundantly clear already" I growled.

"I'm sorry, I just have never met a Dalish elf before, I don't really know what to say."

"I'm an elf, how about you talk to me like a person and not some mysterious unknown being."

Cullen was staring at his feet again. Good, maybe he will learn to think before he speaks now. I went back to my book without much of a second thought. _The August Ram is known for its blue tinted coat and fine antlers, prized for making hair decorations popular in courts and salons across Orlais._ He still had not looked up from the floor. By the Creators, was he sulking? Was the commander that upset over this?

"You know instead of sulking over this you could try making it better since we will be working together." I said somewhat irritably.

"How?" he asked.

"Try learning about the Dalish, we might surprise you" I answered, still refusing to look at him.

"Like what?"

"Anything you're curious about"

Cullen remained silent for a few minutes and I seriously thought that he was just going to sit there sulking until he softly asked "Your tattoos. Is there anything behind them?"

I subconsciously reached up to touch the branching tattoos under my eyes and looked up to meet his gaze. "They're vallaslin, blood writing, we get them to honor our gods."

"But why? And how? Do all the Dalish get them?"

"We wear the symbols of our Creators to honor them, to receive their blessings and protection."

"Is it painful?" he asked, he was focused intently on me now.

"Well, it's not the most pleasant thing, but it's part of our tradition and it was a pain I was glad to go though, it is something I wear with pride."

"I see. So it's a big deal?"

"I suppose to an outsider it would seem more dramatic, but for us it's just another part of life. You grow up and devote yourself to one of the Creators and when you're strong enough to sit through the ceremony without crying out you receive your vallaslin."

"So some people can't handle it?"

"Well, not always the first time. If it's too much pain the Keeper stops and you can try again in a year or two."

"How exactly are they done if they cause that much pain?" he asked, looking a bit concerned.

"The tattoos are carved into the skin with a ceremonial knife, then the ink is rubbed into the cuts and the Keeper heals the cuts and the ink heals in the cuts, embedded into the skin."

"That sounds… intense. Did you sit though yours the first time?" He was now looking at me with much more concern.

"I did, I was sixteen at the time, that was nearly ten years ago now though."

"You said that you devote yourself to one of your gods, which did you chose?" he asked, and he actually seemed genuinely interested.

"Mythal, the All Mother and protector. She brought life to a barren world, she created the moon, and now she stands to protect all of her creations. I follow Mythal because that is what I want to do, I want to protect the ones I care about."

My mind wandered back to my clan. Creator's know I missed them. My gaze fell, but I was not reading, truthfully I did not even see the words. All I could see was my clan, were they alright? They had not written to me in a while. Creators, what if something happened to them? I started to panic. What if something happened and I was not there to protect them?

It started to get hard to breath and I could feel my heart racing. I closed my eyes and tried to gulp down air, but it felt like I was choking on it. _Creators keep my clan safe_ I repeated over and over again in my mind. _Whatever happens to me just make sure they're alright_. I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Inquisitor? Are you alright?" came a voice, it sounded so far away. I did not know how much time had passed. Seconds? No longer, maybe minutes, or even hours, I could not tell.

"Talathiel, say something!" came the voice again, but it sounded a bit closer this time. Someone was shaking me, was it Cullen? Was he still here?

Whoever it was reached out and was holding my hand now. It was calming, it was not a crushing grip or anything, just gentle, concerned. I forced myself to take a few deep breaths and I could feel my heart start to return to normal. I slowly opened my eyes and I saw Cullen kneeling in front of me holding onto my hand.

"Maker's breath, don't scare me like that" he said as he breathed a sigh of relief. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine" I answered a bit more shortly than I intended to as I yanked my hand away from his.

"What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it" I mumbled. _Humans would not understand_ I told myself, _humans are only out for themselves, none of them would understand_. I started to pick myself up, my legs felt weak and my head was spinning, but I needed to be alone. I forced myself to my feet and staggered.

"Let me help you" began Cullen. I shoved away his outstretched hand, _I did not need help from a shem. I did not need help from someone who did not understand._

"You don't have to be alone" he pleaded.

"You don't understand."


	4. Chapter 4

Talathiel

We sat on my balcony overlooking Skyhold and the valley below in the cool, breezy evening air; it was the beginning of a beautiful night. The sun had begun to lazily slink below the horizon, painting the walls with warm shades of orange; the familiar sounds of the night began, the chirp of crickets, the soft wing beats of owls ready to start the hunt, and the comforting silence of the world just winding down for the night. The breeze playfully ruffled my hair and was cool on my skin, but never cold or unpleasant. The wooden floor beneath me was worn smooth from the years and I wondered what sorts of people were here before me; a general strategizing their next attack, a ruler looking out across their holdings, a couple just enjoying the evening, who was to say. This is where I felt most at ease, just being able to sit and clear my mind and remember the world outside of the Inquisition.

The stars had started to come out; they twinkled delicately over the snow covered peaks of the Frostbacks. In the valley the fires in the refugee camp glittered, mimicking the stars. No, they were not mimicking the stars, they were something so much greater. These lights shone as a testament to the people who refused to give up, the people who lost everything and still continued on. They were lights full of hope and life and their beauty and energy eclipsed the very stars they mirrored.

I could feel him pull me closer to him, wrapping his cloak around me a little tighter to keep the cold at bay even though he knew I was not cold. He did this for himself; it was what he knew, to protect people, and it was the only way he knew to show affection. I did not mind it and honestly I found it endearing. He wanted to protect me, not because he thought I could not protect myself, because he knew I was more than capable of protecting myself, but because that was all he knew, but he was learning. I leaned up against him a bit more, _by the Creators he was warm._

He had his eyes closed and a faint smile played on his lips, he seemed much happier nowadays, though things were far from perfect. He still woke up in the night shouting and covered in a cold sweat. Some days he could not hide the pain and his hands would shake badly, but he did his best to appear strong in front of everyone. He kept his hands behind his back and slept in a crumbling watch tower away from everyone else so no one would hear him shouting from the nightmares. He often hummed to himself when things got bad, songs I did not know, songs I figured he learned from the Chantry, and it seemed to help him relax and find some inner peace.

I nuzzled my head up against his jaw line, my hair stick and catching on his stubble. I had never seen him clean shaven, just with varying degrees stubble, not that I was complaining. Cullen was different, not just him himself, but everything about the relationship. With my clan there had been three before I had considered choosing. There was a hunter I had known since childhood, he was bright and playful and so full of enthusiasm, we grew up as playmates and friends. There was a warrior a few years older, he was solemn and gentle protector, we often worked together as the clan was moving. And there was the Keeper's first who came to us when I was twelve, who was always eager to learn or share knowledge, I was assigned to help him adjust to life with our clan and we spent much time together over the years. Any of the three would have made a good mate, and I did love each of them for different reasons. After returning from the conclave I would have chosen one of them to be my mate, it was expected that at my age I would chose someone and bond to them, have a few children and ensure the strength of the clan. It was something I never questioned: you found someone you could love, gave it some time to see if things worked out, had the ceremony, then had children; that was just how life was.

But this was different. There was no pressure to find someone. There was no pressure to fall in love with that person. There were no expectations of what should happen. There was just the other person, exploring them, getting to know them, and just making things up as you go. He was different too. Where there should have been smooth skin there was hair, where there should have been tattoos there were scars, where there should have been finesse there was strength, and where there should have been points there were curves.

The air grew colder as the sun crept below the horizon and he pulled me into his lap to better shield me from the cold. He wrapped his cloak around me defensively, hugging me tightly to his chest as if he was scared I would disappear at any moment. I sat leaning against him, just enjoying spending time together, no longer creeping about and keeping things hushed because what would everyone say if they knew the commander and the Inquisitor were seeing each other? Things did not say quite for long, people noticed that when I vanished that he did too, that sometimes the door to his office was locked in the middle of the day, and if one of us was caught ducking out of an alcove the other was right behind.

I reached up and kissed his jaw and his stubble tickled my lips, and he leaned down to kiss the top of my head. I wondered what would happen after everything was over, where I would go, where he would go. We both agreed that after the Inquisition we wanted to be together, but where would that be?

Cullen seemed to sense my distress "Something on your mind, my dear?"

"Nothing more than usual" I smiled so he would not worry, he had enough on his mind already.

"You are a terrible liar, your ears kind of droop down when you're lying or when something bothers you"

"They do not!"

"Yes they do" he said with a grin "and they twitch up when you're startled or when something catches your attention."

"You seem to pay a lot of attention to my ears."

"Well, it's more like to you in general."

I smiled and I could feel Cullen's face heating up. He still blushed at everything and it was very endearing to see it creep up his face and he would quickly look down and try to hide it. For a grown man he could sure turn into an awkward teen at the first sign of affection, but he was getting used to it all. In the beginning just grabbing his hand in front of other people was enough to make him blush and stammer, now he was the one reaching out to wrap his arm around my waist as we walked through Skyhold.

It was comforting just sitting here like this and it was easy to pretend that everything was alright. That there was not some ancient magister trying to ascend to godhood and destroy us all.

The sun had completely set by now and the only lights were the faint glow of lanterns and candles down in the keep below. It was time for everything to wind down for the night because it was always an early morning for the Inquisition.

"Will you stay the night this time?" I asked.

Cullen let out a deep sigh. It was difficult to get him to stay, or even to get him to let me stay the night with him in his tower. He was always worried about disturbing me with his nightmares, but truthfully it did not bother me and I would much rather be there for him when he woke up to comfort him.

"You always do this." I somewhat whined.

"I know. I just don't want to keep waking you up, I don't want to trouble you too." His voice always got softer when he talked about the nightmares, as if he thought that speaking about them too loudly would bring them upon him.

I started to get up and felt the cold air hit me as I stepped out from the protection of his cloak and turned around to face the still seated Cullen. "You're staying tonight." I declared.

"Is that an order?"

"Yes."

The edges of his mouth curled up into a slight smile. Cullen pushed himself up onto his feet and followed me into the room, closing the door behind us to keep the cold out. It was nice having someone else here; the room was just too large for one person.

I crossed the room to the closet on the other side to get my sleeping clothes and change out of the under armor I typically wore around Skyhold. In one of the drawers I kept a simple shirt and loosely fitted pants for sleeping along with all of the ridiculously ornate Orlesian loungewear I had been given to sleep in. There were shirts, pants, and gowns of fine silk for sleeping in, all painstakingly embroidered and probably nicer than the common person's best clothing. I could hear Cullen rustling about in the main room and I poked my head out to see what he was up to. He was carefully placing his cloak on the back of my chair next to where he left his armor earlier when went out to the balcony. I smirked as I watched him arrange the cloak to make sure the feathers on it were not crinkled up.

"I guess you didn't bring anything to sleep in, shame" I called out, joking.

He shrugged, "I just sleep in pants anyways" he responded as he worked on removing his shirt, the joke apparently sailing over his head.

"Help me dress!" I called out.

"Another order?"

"Yes"

I could hear his footfalls as he crossed the room; it was a strong stride, long and heavy steps, a certain trained cadence to the way he moved with never a step out of place. He reached the closet and I could see the blush creeping up his face again. To save him from me seeing him blushing I turned my back to him and reached my arms above my head so he could help me my shirt. He carefully grabbed onto the bottom of my shirt and gently tugged it up over my head, nearly getting me stuck in it in the process before finally removing it all the way.

"Did you always have that?" he asked, sounding rather confused.

"Have what?"

"That tattoo on your back. Was that there when we…?"

"Yes" I laughed, "It's been there for many years at this point."

"I'm not sure how I missed that earlier."

"In all fairness I'm pretty sure you were looking elsewhere"

"Point taken" he agreed awkwardly. He helped me finish undressing and help me redress in my sleeping clothes.

"The tattoo on your back, is it like your vallaslin?" he asked as we made our way over to the bed.

"Yes" I was happy that he remembered what my tattoos were called, that he actually was interested in learning about Dalish lore and culture. "It was done for the same reason as the others: to honor the Creator I chose, Mythal."

"Do all of the Dalish get tattoos elsewhere?"

"Not all, but many do"

"It's beautiful, may I see it again?" he asked.

I sat down on the edge of the bed and lifted up my shirt so he could see my back. I felt a calloused fingertip start to trace the bottom of my tattoo, roots that twisted across my hips. I felt him trace his fingers up my spine, up the trunk of the tree on my back. Fingertips gilded along my shoulders, along the branches.

"Was it done the same way as your face?"

"Mmhm" I nodded, enjoying the feeling of him running his hands up and down my back.

"Didn't that hurt though?"

"It wasn't unbearable."

"And you just sit there quietly?"

"Well it's better than squirming and having it messed up."

He continued tracing my tattoo for a while, making sure to follow along every line and explore every inch of it. I love the way his hands, warm and rough, felt on my skin. I loved that he found my tattoos beautiful when most humans so far found them odd or off putting. I loved that he recognized that we were very different but made each difference a point of discussion and learning instead of judgment and conflict.

I leaned forwards so I was lying down instead and he continued to still trace my tattoo, as if trying to memorize it. He slowing moved to rubbing my back, kneading his palms into my back and shoulders, massaging away weeks' worth of stiffness and tension from everything. My eyes automatically began to close as I relaxed, this was nice. During my time with the Inquisition I noticed something about the people, or actually a lack of something: physical contact. Humans were such funny beings, amongst the Dalish physical contact was commonplace; touching someone's shoulder or arm as you talked, hugging and kisses on the cheek or forehead between clansmates, leaning on each other around the fire, but not here with the humans. The humans seemed to keep a distance between themselves, tugging away if their arms brushed and quick handshakes for greetings; with their lack of contact I was surprised their whole race had not died out yet.

It had taken Cullen some getting used to, but he no longer recoiled his hand away when ours brushed at the war table, and he definitely no longer had issues being close in private. I rolled over onto my back, my shirt was still tugged partially up, exposing my stomach which Cullen reached down to affectionately kiss, his stubble scratching my skin. He laid down, resting his head on my stomach and I could feel the warmth radiating off of him. I ran my fingers through his hair, thick and wavy, brushed back out of his face, and smiled to myself as I saw that his eyes were closed and a smile played on his lips.

"Why don't you actually try lying the right way in bed instead of hanging off the side?" I playfully chided.

He shifted off of me and pushed himself up onto his hands and knees before lying back down on top of me instead.

"Now you want to be on top? You know you're kind of heavy, right?" I grunted.

He quickly rolled off of me to lay by my side instead, blushing and awkwardly apologizing.

Since we had first slept together Cullen really had not tried to again, which truthfully had surprised me. He had obviously enjoyed it and right afterwards he could barely keep from talking about it or asking questions until he fell asleep, but he had not tried initiating anything in the weeks after.

"Would you like to be on top next time?" I asked.

"W-what?" he sputtered, apparently caught off guard by the question.

"Next time we have sex would you like to be on top instead?" I asked again.

He mumbled something incoherently before burying his face in the pillow, though I could see his neck and ears turning even redder.

I smiled. "It's cute when you blush."

"The commander is not supposed to be cute" I heard him say, though it was terribly muffled by the pillow.

I leaned over and kissed the back of his neck, his skin was so warm. "C'mon, what are you hiding from?"

"I don't know" he groaned into the pillow.

"Then why hide?"

"It's… just a lot I suppose. I mean not that I'm not happy about it, because I am, it's just new, all of this."

"New can be fun and exciting though" I said as I inched closer to him, snuggling up against him.

"Says the one who refused to come out of her room the first few weeks she was here."

"We're talking about you, not me."

"Whatever you say, my Inquisitor" He rolled onto his back and pulled me on to his chest, smiling from ear to ear now.

I nuzzled my face into his neck, I could feel his pulse beating strong and steady, and I could feel the rise and fall of his chest under me as he breathed. It had taken some getting used to, but at last this felt natural, being with a human. I breathed in deeply, inhaling his scent; he smelled like pines and chantry incense, and something darker, like mahogany or teak wood. It was rich and musky, and comforting. He wrapped his arms around me, hugging me against him tightly as he kissed the top of my head.

"So can you be alright with new?" I asked, kissing his neck.

"I'll live."

My kisses turned into nips along his neck and I could feel a growl forming in his throat as my nips got progressively harder. He pressed his hand against the small of my back pushing me down onto him even more and ground his hips against mine, a firm bulge quickly forming between his legs. I suckling at his neck, leaving bruises on his skin. My hands wandered up to his head and I laced my fingers into his hair, using it as leverage to pull his head back, further exposing his neck. He frantically maneuvered his other hand up the front of my shirt to cup one of my breasts and squeeze it firmly while he thrust his hips against me.

I bit down on his neck much harder, causing him to whimper a bit from the sudden pain.

"Ugh, fuck Tallie." He muttered under his breath, but he urged me to continue. I bit and suckled with even more pressure until I tasted blood in my mouth and I pulled myself away to admire my work. His neck was dominated by a nearly black bruise and several small pearls of blood were welling up from where my teeth pierced his skin. I ran my tongue along the bruise, lapping up the blood before it has a chance to drip down and stain the pillow and he continued his frantic thrusting against me.

"Would you like some help?" I asked, raising my gaze up to met his eyes. He had a hungry look in his eyes, full of desire and wanting. A smile broke out across his face.

I pushed myself up so I was straddling his legs instead and I ran my hand down his chest to the top of his pants, pausing for a moment to watch the look of anticipation on his face. I slide my hand down into his pants and tugged at the edge for his small clothes watching him squirm as he waiting not so patiently. I slowly slide my hand into his smalls and traced around his base, causing him to arch his back and thrust himself into my hand. I smiled as I watch him wriggle about, waiting for me to make the next move. I ran my fingers up to his tip, he shuddered as I did so and I traced lazy circles around it, causing him to twitch and jerk about.

"C'mon Tallie" he grunted. I liked hearing him speak when he was like this, there was a feral quality to his normally calm and collected voice. I liked seeing him like this, his hair falling into his face, there was a healthy glow to his skin, and the normally careful commander let his walls down and forgot his boundaries.

"What do you want?" I teased.

"Anything" he growled, "Just something more than that."

"Look at that, you're talking without blushing."

Cullen reached up and caught the back of my neck and pulled me down, catching my mouth with his, wasting no time parting my lips and thrusting his tongue into my mouth. He had gotten more confident over the months and it showed; he was by no means skillful, but he made up for it with passion. We kissed for a while, fighting back and forth for dominance while Cullen continued to thrust himself into my hand. I wrapped my fingers around him, making him moan into my mouth as he picked up his now frantic pace. I felt him throb in my hand, I could feel his heart pounding, his breath became ragged as he panted and moaned.

I pushed myself up and braced myself against his shoulder with my other hand. He watched my face, searching for any clue as to what I was up to. He reached up again and tried to tug me back down.

"No" I told him and he lower his hand back down. I leaned down and kissed along his jaw line. I trailed my kisses down his neck, pausing to swirl my tongue along the bruise I left on him earlier, claiming him as mine. I kissed across his collarbone, exploring the hollows of his collar bone with my tongue. I kissed down his chest, stopping to run my tongue across one of his nipples, causing him to twitch for a moment. I kissed down his stomach, following the light dusting of gold hairs that disappeared into his pants. I paused at the top of his pants and removed my hand from his pants. Cullen looked at me with a mixture of confusion, disappointment, and anticipation.

He raised his eyebrows, waiting on me to make the next move. I tugged at his pants, sliding them down a bit. Cullen braced his feet against the bed and lifted himself up to help me with getting his pants and smalls down. I gently wrapped my fingers around his length again, using a firm pressure as I ran my hand up and down him. He closed his eyes and let out a contented sigh as I continued.

"Maker's breath Tallie" he groaned.

I lower my face down to met him and playfully swirled my tongue around his tip, causing him to arch his back even more and nearly jam himself into my mouth. I pulled back a bit so I could look up and see his face, his eyes were closed and his lips were slightly parted. I reached down and ran my tongue up his length from base to tip, causing him to twitch and spasm a bit.

"Fuck" he gasped again. "Please Tallie" he grunted.

I reached up and wrapped my lips around his tip, swirling my tongue across, slowly drawing him into my mouth and hollowing my cheeks as I began to bob my head up and down rhythmically and I felt him throb even more.

Cullen reached down and entwined his fingers in my hair, using his hands to guide me and set a new, quicker pace. I began to suckle with more pressure, causing him to moan. Cullen pushed my head down, jamming himself completely into my mouth and down my throat. I sputtered and choked, my eyes watering a bit as he continued to thrust vigorously, sliding himself in and out of my throat, holding my head in place. After a few moments I adjusted to the initial shock, humans were much larger than elves in every sense after all. I hollowed my cheeks even more and listened to all the sounds Cullen made; he grunted, and moaned, but most enticing was when he spoke.

"Oh fuck Tallie" he gasped, "Tallie." His gasps and moans slowly nearly became bellows and he picked up his pace, trying to thrust himself further into my mouth and throat. "Tallie, Tallie. Oh Maker. Fuck" he moaned. He gave a particularly forceful thrust and held himself deep in my throat, I could feel him throb as his hot seed flowed down the back my throat. He gasped for air as he held my head down and finished, holding himself there for a few moments even after he finished, still throbbing a bit.

He finally released his grip on my head and I removed myself from him. I coughed a bit and my throat was burning from him nearly rubbing it raw. I moved up to nuzzle my face into the crook of his neck and I could feel his heart pounding under his skin. I coughed some more as I worked on positioning myself a bit better.

"I'm sorry" he apologized somewhat awkwardly, his voice completely changing again back to his normal calm and concerned voice.

"It's alright Cullen. I'm just glad you're getting more comfortable with things. Much better the second time, huh?"

"Yeah, not being worried about people walking in on you does make a difference."

I coughed again, feeling the rawness in my throat even more.

"I'm sorry; I wasn't supposed to do that, was I?" he apologized again.

"You're just fine, that's usually what happens but keep in mind that elves are smaller than humans; I'm not used to things so far down my throat."

Cullen winced. "I'm sorry."

"Will you stop apologizing? If I didn't want to do that I wouldn't have, and certainly not twice."

"Yeah, but I didn't do that the first time, I kind of just stood there."

"And you're learning, and you're getting more stamina too."

"People last longer?"

"After some practice."

He furrowed his eyebrows.

"Creators Cullen, I'm 26, why do you think I know how to do all this?"

"I mean I figured that much, it just... strange. I mean I know by now pretty much everyone else has all this figured out, but it's still new to me, and I know you've done that before, it was evident enough the first time, and I know you've slept with men before, I mean for Maker's sake you hoped right on up the first time. It's just, I don't know."

"Cullen?"

"It's just, I wonder, did you have a mate in your clan? Is that why you have practice?"

"Look, Cullen, anything like that is in the past-"

"So you did?"

"Not yet. I had what you would call suitors, and yes, I had slept with them and whatnot, and had the conclave not been blown up I would have reported back to my clan and chosen a mate, but that doesn't matter now. My life is different now, I'm here now, I'm with you now."

"The first man you slept with, was he one of your suitors?"

"Do we really need to talk about this now?"

"Please just answer the question Tallie."

"Yes."

"And there were multiple suitors?"

"Yes."

"How many?"

"Is this really appropriate right now?"

"Tallie."

"Three, Cullen. There were three. Happy now?"

I could not see his face from here, but I could feel him turn his head to look away from me. Was that really so upsetting to him?

"Did you love any of them?" he asked in a small voice.

"Yes. I loved each of them, otherwise I would not considered choosing one as my mate."

"Do you still love any of them?"

I paused. I had not really thought about them since I settled into the Inquisition. In the beginning I thought of little else but my clan and the people I left behind, but as I grew closer to the people here I thought about them less. They had all been good men, the first and I could spend hours talking about lore and magic, the warrior and I would spar and share stories by the fire wrapped in each other's arms for protection, and the hunter, oh the hunter. I had known him my whole life, he had seen me at my best and worst, he had been my best friend and more. At the age of 17 he had been my first partner, it had been clumsy but I enjoyed every moment of it. I cared for the hunter, I knew in my heart that he was the one I would have chosen when I returned and it pained me now to think about it. I wondered if he waited for me, or if he found someone else. It hurt to think he would have moved on, but is that not what I did to him?

"No" I answered, though I was uncertain of my answer. I loved Cullen, I really did, but walking away from such a major part of my life was not easy.

"Please, if there's someone else you'd rather be with, someone you have history with, I understand." His voice fell to a hushed whisper. "Please don't give me hope if there is none. I've never felt anything like this before and I don't want to have to let you go, but if you'd be happier somewhere else, with someone else, then I want you to be happy, you deserve so much better."

"Cullen?"

He rolled over onto his side, facing his back towards me, knocking me off him in the process. "I should just go." He moved to stand up, but I quickly caught him by the wrist.

"Cullen, you know I love you" I pleaded. "You're a good man; you're loving, and sweet, and caring and you've gone through so much and done things you're not proud of, but you admit to it and you work so hard to make up for it. You give everything you've got into anything you do, there is not a day that goes by where you do not fully devote yourself to the Inquisition. And you've given everything you've got to me, to us. I love you. Whatever has happened in the past is the in past now, know that now I'm giving you everything I've got too; I promise."

Cullen turned to face me, his eyes were glassy and damp.

I took a deep breath. The first, the warrior, the hunter, it did not matter now. My life had changed; things would never be the same again. I pushed everything from before out of my mind.

I sat up and reached out to cradle his face between my hands. "I do not love any of them Cullen, I love you. There's nowhere else I'd rather be and there's no one else I'd rather be with. You don't have to worry about losing me, I have no intention of leaving."

A look of relief spread across his face and he sunk back down onto the bed and leaned on me.

"You promise?" he asked.

"I promise"


End file.
